Confronting A Guy About Porn Use

Is Pornography an Issue in your Relationship?

The problem of pornography addiction in marriages remains extremely prevalent. Your own feelings on the matter are also important. If porn is against your beliefs, or if you're uncomfortable with your husband or boyfriend using porn, it's necessary to remember that these feelings are not invalid. If you want to confront a guy about porn use, you should know that there's nothing wrong with that.

It's important for a couple to be on the same page for an issue such as this. If pornography is against what you believe in, and you know that your husband or boyfriend is doing something that goes against what you believe in, you shouldn't be afraid to speak to them about it.

How To Confront A Guy About Porn Use

Although it's possible that the conversation can wind up being a little tense, if your guy using or abusing porn is something that is troubling you, then it's something you should find the time to discuss with him.

For those who are unsure how to even begin such a conversation, or wonder what such a conversation would entail, here are some tips to help the dialog go more smoothly:

Confronting your guy about porn use doesn't have to actually be confrontational. With a topic as potentially sensitive as this, the last thing you want to do is start the conversation off by shouting, being aggressive, and putting him on the defensive almost immediately. This is supposed to be a conversation, and you're not going to get anywhere by turning it into a fight from the very beginning.

Before you speak to your husband or boyfriend, try to come up with some definitive reasons for why his porn use is bothering you. Try to use phrases such as "I feel..." or "I think..." Avoid the urge to establish blame. What you want to do instead is create a sense of mutual understanding.

Discussing Porn Use

Understanding his reasons. To achieve and maintain that mutual understanding, it's important to get a sense of why he likes pornography in the first place. The last thing you want to do is make the assumption that he no longer finds you attractive, is no longer interested in sex with you, and finds the performers in porn more attractive than he finds you. In order to have a meaningful conversation about his porn use, you're going to have to get to the root of why he uses it in the first place. That means trying to see it from his perspective.

Remember that your feelings are valid. How you feel about porn use in general, how you feel it is impacting your marriage, and how you feel about your husband's porn use are things that deserve to be taken seriously.

Avoid playing the blame game. Regardless of why you feel your husband is using porn, whether it's because of issues in your marriage that have not been dealt with, or because the porn use potentially suggests an addictive behavior, it's important to avoid laying all the blame at his feet. By the same token, it is also important that you not assume all the blame. In many cases, the use of porn points to issues that involve both of you. What this conversation should ideally do is find a place in which both of you assumes certain responsibilities.

Make your feelings clear, but don't think of a compromise as a defeat of your convictions. You want your husband or boyfriend to stop using porn completely. This can mean going cold turkey, and if you think it will help, encourage him to be open about things that the two of you could do together. This could be an opportunity to explore new, potentially exciting aspects of your sex life.

Make sure you're comfortable with the resolutions you both agree upon. If you feel the porn use has reached a level of addiction, don't be afraid to suggest individual or couple's counseling. This is an important conversation to have with your husband or boyfriend. You shouldn't be afraid to open the door to a discussion that could save your relationship from self-destructing. It's not too late.